Saturday, January 5, 2013
I am no more I was.
I went to this movie - the impossible. The movie was a real life true story of a family of five. The family on vacation in thailand gets hit by the 2004 tsunami and gets separated. Too much of blood and death all around. The separated family join together in the end. There were so many moments in the movie which could have moved a strong heart. There were nearly 50-75 people in the cinema hall and i am sure many had cried. Many laughed at others' crying. Among all of them there was this craziest girl in the world who was so adamant that she would not shed a single tear though her entire digestive system was in her throat. Her euphoria was so high that she could just cough throughout the film but could not cry. And that girl was me. I was never like this. I am a very super sensitive girl who cries at the slightest pain of self and at the sight of slightest emotion. I have cried seeing a 30 second commercial. I have cried in a whole movie. I have cried for some movies everytime i see them. Yes even after the 5 th time sixth time when i see the same movie i cry. But today i didnot cry. There were lots of pain in the movie, lots of emotion which could have easily moved me but why didnt i cry. I tried to find out why i didnt do so. I called mom talked to her for few minutes and poured out but still couldnt cry. The feeling of having something inside was terrible. I wanted to pour it out but couldnt do it. Called a friend who couldnot make it to the movie and who left me watching the movie alone. Cursed the friend for doing this to me. Still i didnt calm down. Phoned a special person whom i consider as a sisterly figure. Talking to her made me realize the reason why i didnt cry and why i am so restless it was not because i am heartless. It was because i felt so alone that i am in a state where i am left to watch such a painful movie alone. To my bad luck my right seat in the theatre was empty. The feeling of watching the movie alone didnot shake me. I have done this so many times and I am sure i will be doing it again so many times. But watching such an emotional painful movie alone was not my piece of cake. It is just this moment that i am feeling so low. I will come out of this soon but i am sure i am not the same girl anymore.