Saturday, January 5, 2013

I am no more I was.

I went to this movie - the impossible. The movie was a real life true story of a family of five. The family on vacation in thailand gets hit by the 2004 tsunami and gets separated. Too much of blood and death all around. The separated family join together in the end. There were so many moments in the movie which could have moved a strong heart. There were nearly 50-75 people in the cinema hall and i am sure many had cried. Many laughed at others' crying. Among all of them there was this craziest girl in the world who was so adamant that she would not shed a single tear though her entire digestive system was in her throat. Her euphoria was so high that she could just cough throughout the film but could not cry. And that girl was me. I was never like this. I am a very super sensitive girl who cries at the slightest pain of self and at the sight of slightest emotion. I have cried seeing a 30 second commercial. I have cried in a whole movie. I have cried for some movies everytime i see them. Yes even after the 5 th time sixth time when i see the same movie i cry. But today i didnot cry. There were lots of pain in the movie, lots of emotion which could have easily moved me but why didnt i cry. I tried to find out why i didnt do so. I called mom talked to her for few minutes and poured out but still couldnt cry. The feeling of having something inside was terrible. I wanted to pour it out but couldnt do it. Called a friend who couldnot make it to the movie and who left me watching the movie alone. Cursed the friend for doing this to me. Still i didnt calm down. Phoned a special person whom i consider as a sisterly figure. Talking to her made me realize the reason why i didnt cry and why i am so restless it was not because i am heartless. It was because i felt so alone that i am in a state where i am left to watch such a painful movie alone. To my bad luck my right seat in the theatre was empty. The feeling of watching the movie alone didnot shake me. I have done this so many times and I am sure i will be doing it again so many times. But watching such an emotional painful movie alone was not my piece of cake. It is just this moment that i am feeling so low. I will come out of this soon but i am sure i am not the same girl anymore.

Friday, January 4, 2013

The special person - who should he be?

Dreaming about your life partner is not new for anyone and 3 years back when i started this blog I wrote a post on Swayamvar rules straight from my head which after reading who would have agreed to marry me would have run away. This post would be from my heart. And this can be totally fantasy and absolute nonsense. Read it at your own insanity.

1. Someone who is very attentive, someone who can differentiate between my hmmms and aans. Wish that he can tell even if a single bell in my anklet has gone missing just with my tapping of my feet. Though i know this would make me become so vulnerable and depictable it does give me a sense of security when my slightest mood change is known first to him rather to me.

2. Someone who don't shy to show a public display of affection even in the heart of chennai in midst of all those gossiping aunties.

3. Someone who can make the smile in my lips reach my eyes and heart rather getting it faded in the corner of my mouth.

4. He need not love what all I do. He may at times totally hate me in life. But he should never never ignore me for what I am and what I will be.

5. A genuine soul who let me cry to my maximum limit for my own mistakes and my own inabilities and not due to his actions and definitely not by disappointing me.

6. A genuine soul with a rationalist mind when I fight for my independence just for the sake of showing out I am a feminist

7. He would have really Attractive and intelligent eyes which can talk to me alone through signs secretely even when the whole world is gazing at us intently.

8. Whose silence speak a thousand words and whose single harsh word/look can make me silent for hours together.

9. Someone who knows that at times I am angry because I am hungry and not because of anything else and who knows that a cup of bournvita can bring me back to my senses. :) saving himself of the tantrums I throw.

10. A totally lovable person whom I would not only love to sleep with but wake up with every day till my last breath.

I am 100% sure I would not be that lucky to find such a personality who have all the traits which I wish but I would not stop dreaming. I guess that doesn't hurt anyone.