Thursday, September 16, 2010
Am I insane
What do I want? Why is my mind not ready to accept anything which I come across and be cool and calm? Rather it is just wavering from one wish to another wish and trying to make myself look upset all the time. The wierd dreams of getting married or something related to marriage has been haunting my early morning sleeps for the past 4 days. How come I get these dreams regularly when I am least prepared to get married now. Is it true that mind always searches something to be sad and to be upset? If so it is happening with me. I have nothing to worry so much right now. In spite of it, I am like - yuck I dont want this kind of happenings with me. I want to be cool and do something about this kind of thinking. Is it because I hear so many news from so many people who are getting married. Am I becoming jealous about them? or is it the strangest thought that arose in me that i will remain unmarried for long years to come? But why is this marriage a big issue with me now? I have been saying all these days that I dont want to get married soon. I want some more time. But I am sure why I want that much time. To find the right person? To make myself face some new person? or To get accustomed to new environment. No body is forcing me to think like this. Something is missing in life. I lost some grip of life to which I was clinging to till now. What is it? It is really difficult to find that and make myself clear. May be I know that and I am not ready to accept it. Hence I guess I am just writing all this rubbish out here. I will have to definitely accept the fact that I will not get what I wanted. But what do i need? no body except me can say that. I dont want to "get used" to this sort of mentality, coz getting used to is the worst solution to any problem. Hopefully something different should happen to get me out of this feeling.