Monday, June 7, 2010

It's not the same anymore..........

Can something be erased from memory just with a snap of a finger?. If this can be done, I wanna apply it for the last 4 days of my life. Never before I had or Never again I can bear this. I just wish I can act in this life of mine thinking that nothing has happened. A wierd fantasy land might help me soon to do all this. I don't want anyone's help to overcome from this type of feeling. Rather I will try my best to fight with myself to remain as cold as possible. But is this right? Or will it help? I am scared that I shall lose belief in many things in this world. I was not in a state of confusion this time. I was very clear in what I spoke or what I thought. The truth is that I didnot have any choices to get perplexed this time.

I could have avoided all that happened and all the words. If I had done that this time, some day later I may think myself as a coward. I could have been spared of only the incident and not the outcome. I am bound to digest the fact and the fact is so much concentrated with no trace of coolness/tenderness in that to soothe myself. Due to this, I am no more the same as yesterday. I hope I dont turn to much cruel and develop hatred because of all this. The sooner I recover from this, the better it will be for myself and people around me. There are many choices to make the recovery.
  • I can indulge myself in more books/ more work/ more music.
  • I can surrender to the silent phase in life by being so cold from within.
  • I can seek the help of someone special to pacify my anger and to cool down my hatred. May be I got to find that special person :) or I had already found and still hesitant to seek help.
  • If not will therapy help me? Yes but only if I totally need it. I think I may not need it. This blog of mine shall always remain such a special place to me to help me in all this painful days :-)

4 comments:

  1. Don't worry sweetie.. all shall work out to be fine.. :)

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  2. see...the more u think u'll have to fight it , the harder it'll be...its hard, but u gotta keep doing wt u do

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