Friday, January 29, 2010

Swaymvar Rules

I am the only GIRL in my team of 7 members. One among them direly wants to get married but couldn't find a bride. He asked me one day very casually what qualities does a girl expect from her groom. This conversation ended in a friendly note but not so perfectly. But later I thought why shouldn't I analyse this a little deep and that come out with a blog and here it is.

My Swaymvar Rules:
1. As far as I perceive girls should be broadminded and unprejudiced. The vital thing which to be looked in a guy is that he should treat women as equal partners in every other facet of life, be it personal or professional. When a guy really respect this idea of mine{Not for the sake of words}, he can be definitely appreciated. I don't think I am any less than a man in anything. What's wrong for me, being a woman, must be wrong for any man too...And what's within his rights as a man, is within my rights too despite the fact that I am woman. Sometimes I feel these words are more apt and complete in hindi as follows:

मुझे नहीं लगता मैं किसी मामले में पुरुष से कम हू !
और इस हिसाब से औरत होने के नाते जो बात मेरे लिए गलत है वो पुरुषो के लिए भी गलत होनी चाहिए !!
और मर्द होने के नाते जो बात उनके अधिकार में सही है वो औरत होने के बावजूद मेरे अधिकार में भी सही है!!

2. I wish to be financially independent and love to earn my living. I don't mind who is earning more in the family, but definitely both should contribute to the income. Self-support is a must and no one has rights to deny it from each other. Working women can be equally inspirational as men to their son/daughters.

3. IQ Ratio ---- should be definitely more than me or at least equal to me. I don't want to be a teacher explaining him so many things which I understand and which he doesn't. Sorry I don't have enuf patience for it. It is acceptable for me to say to him that "I do not know" and I am ready to learn from him. I have enough guts to
accept that I am wrong and ready to change myself. But as far as I know men's thoughts, nearly a huge percent of them will not have such guts to accept the fact that they don't know so and so things. So let his IQ ratio be at least high to compromise it.

4. I believe that my actions and only mine will decide and alter my fate & future. At this stage I can never go to some temple and pray to God, make a wish and wait for things to happen for me. So I want him to be an atheist or at least a rationalist.

5. I look forward upon him as a guardian for me and keep me away from this evil, cruel and selfish world. Yes I want a person who is more responsible than me and a little strict as I know that I tend to become kiddish many times. {what to do, my parents and others at home have pampered so much and made me a spoilt brat}

These are other rules which are not-so important but are always added advantages.

Age, Height, Weight ---- More than me plz
Non-Smoker ----- I don't want to treat his cancer in old age.
Not Money-minded --- I want to spend the money I have and not run behind it for life.
No abroad settling ---- I can not be away from my mom for long.
Not a reserved personality -- Let him also be talkative.

All things said make an ideal life, which can be lead only in a dream or read as a story. Expecting everything in the same person is out of my hands, coz I know I don't have the power to animate and design a man's brain. STRONGLY WISH I can create it just like the software I develop. Hence I am also ready for compromises unless and otherwise it does not attack or offend my self-respect and self-esteem. I will not want anything at the cost of losing myself or foregoing my individuality. The "degree of compromise" is the knot at the end which one can never define concisely in advance.


  1. Nice post Banu. I do agree with you on some points too.

    For the girl to be broadminded and unprejudiced, is alright. But since you're a girl, you should look for the same in the guy too. What's considered to be wrong for the guys, should be considered to be wrong for the girls too.

    But for this to be true, you should be open towards leaving leeway for circumstance too.

    Financial independence is good as long it has inter dependence too. Consultations with each other before any major money making decisions is always helpful. I like your outlook on this. Amazing! You're very thoughtful.

    And yes, working and earning mothers can be as inspirational to children as working fathers are.

    IQ is not man made in most cases. It can be incepted since birth too. Go light on this issue. Sometimes, men who are dunces are really cute too.

    Go figure!

    Having faith, or little faith, or no faith at all in God is your perspective and a very personal one too. To each it's own.

    Life will teach you responsibility automatically. Trust me.

    Wait and see.

    Age, height and weight are again personal characteristics. Give room for circumstance leeway please.

    Non Smoker is nice. Saves money too.

    What about non drinker? Huh?

    Spend money, yes, but save for rainy days too.

    Talk to him if he'll live with both your mother and you. Maybe that'll be helpful?


    Two talkative people and no listeners?

    Not even trying to figure that out!


    Life is a big compromise Banu.

    Remember that, and you'll be fine for ever.

    You may not be able to design and animate a man's brain, but you sure can mould it if you're dedicated, patient and sweet enough.

    Remember that too.

    Good luck Banu!

  2. Just a question - Where is the compromise factor?
    I have learnt the hard way that you have to be willing to compromise somehere...

  3. @Queenmatrai --- I have talked on the compromise factor which I shall have in the last few sentences. Compromises are fine until it comes from both the sides. A single person alone doing compromise is nothing but sacrifice. I shall never be able to do it.

  4. Thanks Ramit for ur complete opinion and time taken to comment on my post. Yes I am and I shall be open allowing personal space and respect the opponent's feelings and expectations. I am not cruel enough to ask him forego his nature to please me.

    And about age, weight and height --- No I cannot marry a guy who is 3 years older than me and cannot marry a younger guy also. My ego doesnot accept it. Weight and Height -- I can forego it.

    Non-alcoholic -- yes preferable. I hate that smell and cannot withstand it.

    Spending cum savings -- yes definitely. Savings come by default. No need to mention.

    Yes I shall always remember your words -- Life is a big compromise.

  5. bhanu good one girl..and believe "compromise" is a big dirty word we use often,when you love the man you are married to,compromise hardly comes in the picture..its all about being "us" and like the queen says "making memories of us"

  6. @Sulagna--- true what you say. We should make sure that in the road of compromise we dont lose ourselves. Thanks for commenting..

  7. You and I have pretty similar taste. :)

  8. This is as honest as one can get into a girl's mind regarding one of the most important decisions in one's life. All points duly noted down.

  9. Nice post,indeed! Really,I quite agree with you.

  10. @Disguise --- Nice to find that u too have a same view like me... Thanks for dropping a comment

  11. @Abhijeet(AM) --- Thank u for the comments. Good to hear that my points are noted down by you.

  12. @AM -- sorry for misspelling your name - Abhijith..

  13. Wow, Banu, you have great expectations. And I just hope that- You get the One who you desire.
    You know, all is fine, but- try not be a stubborn head about it. Love, companionship, Understanding, respect- All are important.
    But, more important is being flexible. Being flexible is not being compromising. :)
    All the best.

  14. @ Sakshi... Thank you for the wishes. Yes I shall take to heart ur words of being flexible. But I am sure only a flexible person can make me flexible (you know what I mean). Let me try my best not to disappoint myself.

  15. Ooora therinjukita Ulagam purinjukitta..........kanmani en kanmani:-)

  16. @Kamakshi --- the lyrics were so correct in this context ... I know its one of ur fav..